Now What?: A Senior’s Search for a Job in a Horrible Economy

With my impending graduation, and the economy being in a historic slump, my prospects for getting a decent job are pretty slim. I suppose my prospects would be slim anyways since I really do not have much to offer an employer except a smartass attitude and a rudimentary knowledge of baking. So where can a useless person like me find a job?
The first option that is looking better and better in this recession is crime. We’ve all in our weaker moments considered robbing a liquor store or selling drugs. However, since most of us are not violent and have moral qualms with these types of things we never actually end up committing crime. Bit there are some illegal activities that fall into an ethical grey area. Promoting gambling is one of them. It’s possibly the biggest money making enterprise one can be a part of. People come in, give you their money, and then leave. It’s basically a license to print money with little to no overhead. Despite, the non-violent nature of this crime it carries a stiff prison penalty. The government holds a monopoly on saying who gets to own casinos because they feel that there is too much peripheral crime in unregulated gambling. This is particularly evident in the government run gambling operations. Off Track Betting parlors and race tracks are some of the most shady places in America. I think you’d be hard pressed to find an OTB that hasn’t had a homicide in it.
One part of industry that seems to be thriving is the repo companies. These guys have been making money hand over fist by taking back things that people end up unable to afford. The repo industry has always been steady, but now it’s experiencing a renaissance. Repo men actually have a more dangerous job than people think. They are often attacked by people who want to keep things they actually don’t own. The best position to have in this industry is the auctioneer. You stand in front of a bunch of people and you just sell people’s stuff. Though auctioneering requires a capacity for speech that only a few people possess. The best way to take advantage of the repo industry is to buy stuff from auctions. You can get great prices on things that you may have thought were unattainable. Houses, cars, boats, this may actually be the best time to make a big ticket purchase if you have the means.
The last opportunity that is out there is economist. I don’t know much about economics or why our economic situation is so bad, but I do know that every time I turn on the news I see a different “economic expert” claiming a completely different outcome to our country’s situation. It seems like you can get on TV and say that the country will end up invaded by Canada and people will accept it as a sound possibility. And why not? Most people are either completely confused or scared because they are so confused. It’s pretty easy to take advantage of people’s fears when you claim to be an expert. The job market is not a complete wasteland, although it may feel like it is. You just got to look at things the right way. I’m looking at the current economic situation as an excuse not to get a real job.

Defining Offensiveness

I’ve noticed a strange trend taking place here at Dickinson College. People are beginning to protest events that previously never caused any problem. For some reason, certain traditional school events are now offending people. It all started a while back when the annual crush auction was held in the dining hall. As usual, people bid on the services of individuals and groups to benefit charity. But this time there were a group of people sitting at a table near the auctioneer holding placards that said things like, “People at this table are against the crush auction,” and “Slavery is bad,” or something to that effect. At first, I honestly thought it was a joke. I chuckled to myself thinking that this must have been something dreamed up by the wacky dining hall staff. I realized it was serious when I found one of the leaflets distributed by the protesters. It basically outlined that the crush auction was sexist and was making fun of important issues like slavery and human trafficking. I got the point they were trying to make, but I really didn’t feel that the crush auction was offensive and warranted a protest. I would have to say pretty much everyone in attendance agreed due to the enthusiasm for the event and the large amount of money it raised for charity.

The most recent of these occurrences occurred at the “Mr. Dickinson” mock beauty pageant. I was not there because of my current bitterness towards talent shows, this started when I was not aloud to perform my lurid stand up routine at the Apollo night talent show. All I really know is that some people protested the very principle of the show while at least one other person felt the material of the show was offensive.

So what is causing this discontent? Most of the arguments against these events seem to be focused on an allegedly sexist nature. I recall receiving a mysterious and cryptic e-mail from the head of the Women’s studies department telling us that something happened that offended some people, (we were never told what happened or how people were offended) and that there was hostility towards various groups of people on campus. To stop this hostility, the e-mail instructed us to ask ourselves how our environment affirms us. Although the vague nature of the e-mail made me dubious to the referred hostilities actual existence, I certainly felt that it should be addressed if it is actually a problem. However, the idea of our environment affirming us is pretty ridiculous. If you think that people are going to tell you you’re a good person for being yourself, you’re going to have a very tough time outside of college.

So do we live in a sexist environment? Although I am a man and can’t be certain how women here actually feel, I’m going to have to go out on a limb here and say no, this is not a sexist environment. The events being protested have been around for a long time and only recently have been declared sexist. I certainly support people’s right to protest these things, but I have to say it’s not very effective. The reason events like these continue to happen is because people like them. The alleged sexist nature obviously doesn’t seem to bother the vast majority of people here. Just because you may find something offensive doesn’t mean that everyone else does. So say what you want about these things protesters, but don’t expect there to be any serious changes, and don’t you dare try to use this as an excuse to bring about censorship.