Now What?: A Senior’s Search for a Job in a Horrible Economy

With my impending graduation, and the economy being in a historic slump, my prospects for getting a decent job are pretty slim. I suppose my prospects would be slim anyways since I really do not have much to offer an employer except a smartass attitude and a rudimentary knowledge of baking. So where can a useless person like me find a job?
The first option that is looking better and better in this recession is crime. We’ve all in our weaker moments considered robbing a liquor store or selling drugs. However, since most of us are not violent and have moral qualms with these types of things we never actually end up committing crime. Bit there are some illegal activities that fall into an ethical grey area. Promoting gambling is one of them. It’s possibly the biggest money making enterprise one can be a part of. People come in, give you their money, and then leave. It’s basically a license to print money with little to no overhead. Despite, the non-violent nature of this crime it carries a stiff prison penalty. The government holds a monopoly on saying who gets to own casinos because they feel that there is too much peripheral crime in unregulated gambling. This is particularly evident in the government run gambling operations. Off Track Betting parlors and race tracks are some of the most shady places in America. I think you’d be hard pressed to find an OTB that hasn’t had a homicide in it.
One part of industry that seems to be thriving is the repo companies. These guys have been making money hand over fist by taking back things that people end up unable to afford. The repo industry has always been steady, but now it’s experiencing a renaissance. Repo men actually have a more dangerous job than people think. They are often attacked by people who want to keep things they actually don’t own. The best position to have in this industry is the auctioneer. You stand in front of a bunch of people and you just sell people’s stuff. Though auctioneering requires a capacity for speech that only a few people possess. The best way to take advantage of the repo industry is to buy stuff from auctions. You can get great prices on things that you may have thought were unattainable. Houses, cars, boats, this may actually be the best time to make a big ticket purchase if you have the means.
The last opportunity that is out there is economist. I don’t know much about economics or why our economic situation is so bad, but I do know that every time I turn on the news I see a different “economic expert” claiming a completely different outcome to our country’s situation. It seems like you can get on TV and say that the country will end up invaded by Canada and people will accept it as a sound possibility. And why not? Most people are either completely confused or scared because they are so confused. It’s pretty easy to take advantage of people’s fears when you claim to be an expert. The job market is not a complete wasteland, although it may feel like it is. You just got to look at things the right way. I’m looking at the current economic situation as an excuse not to get a real job.