An Excuse to be Usless

Originally Published March 8, 2007

I was watching CNN recently and I heard some guy say that the Iraq war was the greatest foreign affairs blunder since the Vietnam War. This got me thinking, what did people do when they were mad about Vietnam that we aren’t doing now? Many did tons of drugs and had promiscuous, unprotected sex. I’m still not sure why people thought doing things like this would stop war, but it’s a great excuse to do it. So now, in the midst of another foreign affairs blunder, we have the opportunity to be irresponsible, drug addled hippies.

The first thing we must remember when doing this is not to fall under the illusion that out partying is helping anyone. However, it will be necessary for us to seem like we think it does. Every now and again we will have to pull ourselves together and stage some elaborate protest. This way we will be able to get support from liberal celebrities like Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon and our cause will look more legitimate, even though it isn’t.

For this whole thing to work we can’t pretend like this is going to last forever. No matter how many drugs you take, or how much unprotected sex you have, you can’t live irresponsibly forever. The smart people went on and rejoined society when they were done partying and are now doing ok. The dumber people bought into the whole world changing through irresponsibility idea and are not doing ok.

A perfect example of these people are the Weathermen. These guys were basically communists who believed they needed to bring the Vietnam War to the people of the U.S. So how did they do that? They committed acts of terrorism. To get the public on their side they held the “Days of Rage” protests which were supposed to get U.S. citizens to realize that the government is evil and that they should start killing police and commit acts of terrorism. Only two hundred people showed up. They than just ended up smashing things in the streets of Chicago, including the haymarket riot monument. Though the thing they did that I like the most was accidentally blowing up their safe house in the Greenwich Village. Ha ha, take that jerks! No matter what or who they blew up, they failed to crush the government. Although they were certain the U.S. was evil, the people of the U.S. didn’t agree.

Another organization that was equally as stupid but less violent was the Yippies. They advocated revolution by trying to “freak out the system”. One thing did to freak out the system was by getting a safe deposit box, and putting a dead fish in it. Since it takes a long time to get the court order to open a safe deposit box, the fish would rot and stink up the bank vault for a while. Again, this failed to hurt the system. It just made bank vaults stinky. No matter how stinky the bank vault was, the owners and patrons of the bank did not get freaked out. Even if they were freaked out, it failed to demolish the system.

Lastly, I’d like to talk about Tim Leary, the primary advocate of the spiritual powers of LSD. Leary believed that if everybody did acid the world would be a better place. The DEA disagreed and he was arrested several times. I have never really believed that a drug can make the world a better place, I think it might actually make the world collapse. Many people took LSD and it failed to change society. Acid is not a gateway to enlightenment, it is a gateway to getting high. Which is fine, but if you expect LSD to make your life and the world better, you are mistaken.

So I say take some drugs, have an orgy, we have the perfect excuse to do it. And if you feel the need, stage some sort of protest. All I ask is that if you believe the government is evil don’t do anything rash. Before you do something with extreme consequences, just look at the people I mentioned above. If you feel the government is stupid, racist, or violent, don’t let that make you stupid racist, or violent. So until next time my loyal readers. Stay happy and always know that I love you.