Girls Gone out of Ideas

Originally published December, 2006

I am sad to say it, but I must. The pornographic empire known as “Girls Gone Wild” is steadily in its decline. The idea seemed wonderful when it first arrived. Women in clubs getting naked just for the hell of it, I’ll never understand how it works. “Girls Gone Wild” paved the way for the amateur pornographer in us all. But now the novelty has worn off.

I knew something was wrong when they introduced the “Girls Gone Wild Games”. This is basically where they take some of the women from the older movies, put them on a tropical island, and make them play games against each other while naked. This seems like a wonderful concept, but really seeing naked chicks climbing on ropes course just feels so hollow. Now they have “Girls Gone Wild X-treme”. This is basically the same thing. It’s naked chicks in even more bizarre situations. The one they feature in the commercial is naked women in a zero gravity environment. So it’s hooters in space. I have often fantasized about being in a space ship with several naked women, but them actually doing it really takes away from the fantasy aspect.

The main problem with girls gone wild is that it is just so damn repetitive. Basically you just see every type of boob there is. Big ones, small ones, one bigger than the other, big nipples, small nipples, one boob, three boobs. You think you would never get tired of seeing boobs, but it actually happens. It’s kind of like a slow movie. It’s like you’re seeing knockers, now what? They then answered that question by putting the bare chested women in the bizarre situations that include space and sporting events. I guess the logic was men like sports, and men like boobs. So boobs combined with sports should be the greatest thing ever. Right? Wrong.

Another thing I don’t like about “Girls Gone Wild” is the moral aspect of it. I’m fine with seeing naked chicks of course, I just don’t like the fact that these women are too drunk to know what they’re doing. Could you imagine seeing you’re daughter or sister in one of those movies? I am honestly holding back the vomit the thought of that causes while writing this. Now obviously a lot of men don’t think it’s a problem getting women drunk and filming them while they’re naked and making a profit off of it. But picture this, you’re sitting at home watching TV, maybe even with you’re family. Then suddenly a commercial for “Guys Gone Wild” comes on and they you are in the commercial, pulling out your penis while kissing some guy. I shutter at the thought.

So, amidst all this “Girls Gone Wild” is on its way out. But don’t worry my friends; we’ll always have good old 100% San Fernando Valley hardcore porn. Consenting women letting people put all sorts of objects in all sorts of orifices. That’s something that will never get old.