Originally published April 26, 2007
As I write this I have great fear for my future. It’s not my normal fears of the future like bad weather tomorrow or becoming a mall Santa. It’s my fear of having to compete for the job I want on national television. Television has already made a competition out of becoming a chef, a nanny, a singer, an assistant to Donald Trump, a boxer, and a gold digging whore. Now television has besmirched its holy counterpart, film. The show “On The Lot” has made a competitive series out of becoming a film director. This is very bad. Being a director is one of my lifelong dreams. I can’t win a competition to become a director. I wanted to make my career like all the other directors by rigging the Oscars.
Is everything anyone wants to be going to turn into a reality TV show? These shows are basically all the same. Take a bunch of people who want the job, make them all live together, and add huge, unrealistic portions of conflict. The conflict is usually utilized by having the host be a huge douche bag. If not that they have several of the contestants be douche bags. They could be mean, overly sensitive, alcoholics, or just plain stupid. With all this drama any job can become a reality television show. Take a bunch of idiots who all want a bank teller job, throw them in an apartment somewhere, film it, and you’ve got “The Bank” the new reality television show. Producing reality TV is that simple. All you got to do is follow the formula or copy a reality TV show from another country.
I’m very afraid that one day all of us may have to fight each other on television to get a job. The only job that will be safe is reality TV producer. They’re not gonna make a show out of their lives when they’re sitting pretty making shows out of everyone else’s lives. The only hopeful sign is that the winners of these reality competitions never really have successful careers. If you win “American Idol” you get a far worse contract than a normal singer gets and your career goes nowhere anyways. One of the most successful people to come out of that show was William Hung. He was that weird looking Chinese kid who had teeth like Jerry Lewis in “The Nutty Professor”. He sounded like him too. William Hung has an album and appeared on numerous television shows. He actually made a career out of being bad at his job. His job technically is being a singer, believe it or not. But I can’t help but say I’m impressed with him. How many people can be successful by being good at being bad? He’s a living paradox. Perhaps I could make a living by being an excruciatingly bad director? I’m putting that plan into motion as soon as
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